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Sunday, December 22, 2024 at 1:25 PM
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A Feral Housewife's Horoscopes


Aries- March 21 - April 10
The stars align in a dynamic pattern. Where to start – this is not the time to play with finances in a keep-up-with-the-Jones’ splurge that will set you back to mac ‘n cheese college days. You are doing a lot of networking; make sure to present the best of you by getting dressed up and owning it like a global stage. Work it, honey. Don’t be scared to connect or just say yes to a meeting you would normally deny.


Gemini- May 21 - June 20
Look at you; aren’t you lovely? Love will be in the air after that cosmic break you took. It is time to dip your toe back into the love pool, which doesn’t mean jump in and drown, just ease back into things. Open and honest communication is best; remember, you don’t have to be cruel to be honest. When you feel like unleashing, just take a breath and wait until the feeling passes.


Cancer- June 21 - July 22
Drive and direction along with love and affection; focus on where you aim it. You will have some possessive, jealous, passive aggressive vibes going, but aiming those at your current love is disastrous. These feelings likely connect to past lovers or even a wrong you committed once. When you need time alone, take it, but when you do, refrain from firing emotional shots at those who expect your eternal attention.


Taurus- April 21 - May 20
Dreams will become reality. All the ideas you have had will begin to manifest themselves, so be ready. Don’t engage in battles of ego; they waste precious time. For the love of all that is sane, do not stray from your partner or try to hustle anyone in love, or you will break the relationship beyond repair. You will feel gorgeous, so get the picture and update professional and social photos.]

Scorpio- October 23 - November 22
Home is where the health is – and you are going to feel like camping out right where you are most comfortable. That is the perfect place for you to be. While you are getting started on those renovations you have been drooling over and actually cook the recipes you’ve had on standby. Try to avoid striking out at those around you when you disagree; emotions are running a bit wild.


Virgo- August 23 - September 22
It is time to tackle the projects you have been putting off and organize your space. You should focus on achieving flow in all things, from work to diet. When your mind threatens to wander, try to round up those stray thoughts and put them to the side for later when you are able to deal with them. You might feel overwhelmed looking at the big things that need to be addressed; just take a breath and break it down into smaller projects.


Libra-September 23 - October 22
Get bougie; it is your time to shine after the social hibernation. Plan a dinner on a budget with a complementing wine or beer flight, get dressed to the nines and show the world that you are back in action. As you break out of this funk, anything status quo will bore you to death, so try something new. When you happen across someone you wouldn’t bring home to Mama, it’s in your best interest to keep walking.


Sagittarius- November 23 - December21
Pump the brakes. The work addict in you will finally feel free to turn attentions elsewhere. You will be basking in the glow of a job well done in January and feeling the flirt. Drawn to social buzz like a moth to a flame, you will have to navigate this one gracefully. Not everyone who shares the party is friend worthy. Watch those around you and don’t give your trust easily. As hard as it will be, when that special someone who sends you straight into orbit strikes this weekend, beat ‘em at their own game by ignoring them.


Leo-July 22 - August 22
Time to team up, Leo, and it’s going take some work. Take a break from being the one to help whoever is in need; no one can survive on praise alone. Focus that energy and effort into building a partnership for you. Try something different. Go out on a limb and change everything you have been doing in love. You will not be disappointed.


Capricorn- Deceember 22 - January 19
Bring it in, Cap. It is time again to focus on your finances. You have that big ticket item in your sights and it will take a little extra work to get there while you are fighting the desire to be extravagant. Remember what you want and trends will be out and in before the order could even hit your doorstep. Keep your cool; a fight may break out around you but don’t take it personally. All eyes are on you for the business relationships you have built and that flare for the “traditional,” so send the handwritten note of thanks; it will leave an impression.


Aquarius- January 20 - February 19
Nothing is going to go your way at the start of this week, but have faith; it will turn out for the best and will completely change your outlook and trajectory. Let’s be honest, dear one, you need a change. Romance is in the cards, so enjoy; you know it doesn’t happen often where you feel that magnetic connection. While you want to be alone this weekend, make sure you don’t bail on the plans you already made.


Pisces-February 20 - March 20
Make ‘em pay. You will have creative energy pouring from you; use it and enjoy the payouts. While you are basking in the glow of your creativity bringing revenue, you may have to address a business partner who hasn’t pulled their weight. You will be pulling away from relationships that no longer suit you, but don’t feel guilty; you literally cannot take another rescue mission. Let those around you who use you as a flotation device know that you are no longer able to carry them to safety. You have given them all the tools they need to safely navigate their own rescue missions.

Alicia Parsons grew up in Yerington and has been a dishwasher, teacher’s aide, patient care representative, and debt collector, before landing her current and favorite gig as a feral housewife to Trevor and card-carrying mother-of-the-year to three-and-a-half-year-old Rhett.


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