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Sunday, August 16, 2026 at 3:42 AM
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Dysfunction Junction -- Valentine's Day: A little History a Little Humor

Dysfunction Junction -- Valentine's Day: A little History a Little Humor

What day is often as equally dreaded as anticipated? And what day single-handedly has the power to fill both grown men and elementary school girls with interminable levels of fear and trepidation? And on what day is it completely acceptable – nay, expected, to send veritable strangers politically and socially incorrect demands like “Kiss Me” on candy hearts? St. Valentines Day, of course.   

Believe it or not, the modern mid-February holiday that has become synonymous with ribbons, roses, and romance is also the day that centuries ago was also rife with red, but of an entirely darker sort.

According to historical data (History.com), Valentine's Day arose from a Christian effort to replace a 6th-century Roman pagan fertility festival, “Lupercalia." During the festival, dogs and goats would be sacrificed. Women would then be slapped or smacked with the blood-drenched hides as a fertility blessing. As legend has it, the women would later put their names in an urn to be selected and paired with a man for a year. Unsurprisingly, this has recently been proven to be moderately more effective than online dating and requires less cleanup. 

A less graphic historical note places two men, both named Valentine, at the heart of St. Valentine’s Day. There is no clear evidence as to which one, as both men could have inspired the holiday. The first Valentine, a 3rd-century Roman priest, defied the Roman Emperor Claudius II and his ban on marriage for soldiers during wartime. Claudius believed marriage was a distraction to young soldiers. Valentine secretly performed illegal marriages “in the spirit of love” until he was discovered and sentenced to death (purportedly on February 14th). The second Valentine was imprisoned for attempting to help Roman Christians escape from prison. Legend says that he sent the first valentine message to himself, writing a letter signed, “From your Valentine.” He too was sentenced to death. In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, the possibility of imprisonment remains at the heart of the holiday.

By the close of the 5th century, Pope Gelasius of Rome officially declared February 14th as St. Valentine’s Day. It would be several centuries, however, before romance would become associated with the day. The declaration instead was born out of the common belief that in England and France, birds started mating on February 14th. Yes, the mating habits of birds.

There is some historical information that in 1537 King Henry VIII, with six wives to his credit (or discredit depending on the wife), proclaimed by Royal Charter that Valentine’s Day would be a public holiday and chose that day to be February 14th. Facts to this remain unverified, however, one should again note the potential for death by beheading.

It was not until the 15th century that the first valentine was sent. While imprisoned in the Tower of London at age 21, a French duke wrote a love poem to his wife. His verse read, “I am already sick of love, My very gentle Valentine." (Darn you Autocorrect! Sick with love darling, sick with love). Note: imprisonment was also a factor here. 

The evolution of Valentine’s Day is a long one. While some people started exchanging handwritten letters and cards in the 17th century, it was not until the 1840s when Valentine’s Day cards were commercially produced. Known as the “Mother of the American Valentine”, Esther A. Howland’s cards, decked out in lace and ribbon, helped pave the way for what would become a multi-billion-dollar industry. And by this time in human history, Valentine’s Day was also becoming less fatal.

Massive spending aside, it is hard to think of Valentine’s Day without thinking about chocolate. The year 1861 brought the first heart-shaped box of chocolates, created by Richard Cadbury. It is unlikely that Cadbury could have imagined that 58 million pounds of chocolate, tucked away in heart-shaped boxes, would be sold in a single year. Nor can we forget to mention conversational hearts. A Boston pharmacist, who was in the business of making throat lozenges, invented a machine that simplified how they were made. According to History.com, the pharmacist was soon using his invention to make candy instead. In 1866, his brother started printing messages on the candy. Of course, they were larger back then and held messages less socially awkward like Married in white, you have chosen right and How long shall I have to wait? Please be considerate.

So as February 14th comes and goes and you contemplate the meaning of St. Valentine’s Day, do not let its dark past discourage you from sharing the day with the one you love. Its history and traditions may be steeped in rituals that involve being smacked with animal hides, death, and imprisonment, but what a better cause than LOVE? And yes, of course, this holiday has been grossly commercialized, but again I ask you, what better cause than for love?

In the wise words of Charles Schulz, "All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”

 

References: www.history.com, https://bit.ly/3d6D3IC

 


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COMMENTS
Comment author: Patti Cole Comment text: Marie will be forever treasured in memories. The memories remain of a soft-spoken, seemingly unassuming but determined individual who absolutely knew what path she wanted to take in life, and followed it. Her instinctive reactions, which highlighted her steadfast level of love and caring for her family, friends and all living things found in nature, hold lessons for us all. An unexpected splash of her self-deprecating humor, coupled with uncanny timing, will always bring a smile. For me, Marie lives on in the sighting of a Black-crowned night heron in the tules, the bloom of a beautiful spring flower and, most poetically, in the struggle of wildlife photographers handling their very large camera lenses. Comment publication date: 8/15/26, 9:31 AM Comment source: Obituary-Marie Dong Ko Comment author: John Chaney Comment text: I just figured out that Betty was my 1st cousin. Her dad Ted was my dad's brother. I never knew Ted or Betty, but I wish I did. I am 73 and live in IL. I am building my family tree and see where Betty has fit in. Blessings to you Curt and family. Comment publication date: 8/14/26, 11:04 AM Comment source: Obituary - Betty Lou (Chaney) Anderson Comment author: Karen Webb Comment text: I am so sorry to hear this. I loved coming to the carwash to see John! He always made my day. Prayers for all of his family during this difficult time. Comment publication date: 8/11/26, 8:56 PM Comment source: In Memory of John Evans Comment author: Laura Ivey Comment text: I am so very sorry for your loss of John. He always made my day when I went to the car wash. I will miss his joyous personality and that smile. Comment publication date: 8/10/26, 9:52 AM Comment source: In Memory of John Evans
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