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Saturday, March 28, 2026 at 8:41 AM

Dysfunction Junction -- Valentine's Day: A little History a Little Humor

Dysfunction Junction -- Valentine's Day: A little History a Little Humor

What day is often as equally dreaded as anticipated? And what day single-handedly has the power to fill both grown men and elementary school girls with interminable levels of fear and trepidation? And on what day is it completely acceptable – nay, expected, to send veritable strangers politically and socially incorrect demands like “Kiss Me” on candy hearts? St. Valentines Day, of course.   

Believe it or not, the modern mid-February holiday that has become synonymous with ribbons, roses, and romance is also the day that centuries ago was also rife with red, but of an entirely darker sort.

According to historical data (History.com), Valentine's Day arose from a Christian effort to replace a 6th-century Roman pagan fertility festival, “Lupercalia." During the festival, dogs and goats would be sacrificed. Women would then be slapped or smacked with the blood-drenched hides as a fertility blessing. As legend has it, the women would later put their names in an urn to be selected and paired with a man for a year. Unsurprisingly, this has recently been proven to be moderately more effective than online dating and requires less cleanup. 

A less graphic historical note places two men, both named Valentine, at the heart of St. Valentine’s Day. There is no clear evidence as to which one, as both men could have inspired the holiday. The first Valentine, a 3rd-century Roman priest, defied the Roman Emperor Claudius II and his ban on marriage for soldiers during wartime. Claudius believed marriage was a distraction to young soldiers. Valentine secretly performed illegal marriages “in the spirit of love” until he was discovered and sentenced to death (purportedly on February 14th). The second Valentine was imprisoned for attempting to help Roman Christians escape from prison. Legend says that he sent the first valentine message to himself, writing a letter signed, “From your Valentine.” He too was sentenced to death. In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, the possibility of imprisonment remains at the heart of the holiday.

By the close of the 5th century, Pope Gelasius of Rome officially declared February 14th as St. Valentine’s Day. It would be several centuries, however, before romance would become associated with the day. The declaration instead was born out of the common belief that in England and France, birds started mating on February 14th. Yes, the mating habits of birds.

There is some historical information that in 1537 King Henry VIII, with six wives to his credit (or discredit depending on the wife), proclaimed by Royal Charter that Valentine’s Day would be a public holiday and chose that day to be February 14th. Facts to this remain unverified, however, one should again note the potential for death by beheading.

It was not until the 15th century that the first valentine was sent. While imprisoned in the Tower of London at age 21, a French duke wrote a love poem to his wife. His verse read, “I am already sick of love, My very gentle Valentine." (Darn you Autocorrect! Sick with love darling, sick with love). Note: imprisonment was also a factor here. 

The evolution of Valentine’s Day is a long one. While some people started exchanging handwritten letters and cards in the 17th century, it was not until the 1840s when Valentine’s Day cards were commercially produced. Known as the “Mother of the American Valentine”, Esther A. Howland’s cards, decked out in lace and ribbon, helped pave the way for what would become a multi-billion-dollar industry. And by this time in human history, Valentine’s Day was also becoming less fatal.

Massive spending aside, it is hard to think of Valentine’s Day without thinking about chocolate. The year 1861 brought the first heart-shaped box of chocolates, created by Richard Cadbury. It is unlikely that Cadbury could have imagined that 58 million pounds of chocolate, tucked away in heart-shaped boxes, would be sold in a single year. Nor can we forget to mention conversational hearts. A Boston pharmacist, who was in the business of making throat lozenges, invented a machine that simplified how they were made. According to History.com, the pharmacist was soon using his invention to make candy instead. In 1866, his brother started printing messages on the candy. Of course, they were larger back then and held messages less socially awkward like Married in white, you have chosen right and How long shall I have to wait? Please be considerate.

So as February 14th comes and goes and you contemplate the meaning of St. Valentine’s Day, do not let its dark past discourage you from sharing the day with the one you love. Its history and traditions may be steeped in rituals that involve being smacked with animal hides, death, and imprisonment, but what a better cause than LOVE? And yes, of course, this holiday has been grossly commercialized, but again I ask you, what better cause than for love?

In the wise words of Charles Schulz, "All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”

 

References: www.history.com, https://bit.ly/3d6D3IC

 


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COMMENTS
Comment author: EvaComment text: Grandpa, I find myself wondering about you every so often. I see glimpses of your face in the years worn onto my dad. It makes me feel more connected to you in some way. I remember the familiar kindness from you that I know in my dad. I would’ve really liked to have a good conversation. I only have a handful of memories with you, but you were loving, and you were kind. I wish I was able to say more. If I am someone to you, I hope I make you proud. Thank you Aunt for this sweet post.Comment publication date: 3/27/26, 12:11 AMComment source: Obituary -- Randolph Floris Banovich C Comment author: RBCComment text: The Navy should reimburse the market cost of replacing the grazing land they are taking. Period.Comment publication date: 3/26/26, 10:38 AMComment source: Local Rancher Says Navy Land Expansion is Devastating His Family RanchComment author: Charlene B JohnsonComment text: This post was released without letting the next of kin or family know first. I am Kelly’s sister, Charlene B Johnson and his daughter is Trisha Benjamin. The Fallon Tribal Police acted unconscionably by not notifying the family first. This is devastating for us especially after speaking a little bit with the officer handling the report and The Chief Juarez. Who refused to give me any further details or to at least let me know the FBI was notified and that they were investigating if my brothers death was foul play or not. My understanding is the FBI is called when a body is found. Tribal Chairwoman please do the family a solid and make sure the finding of my brother was due to suspicious circumstances.Comment publication date: 3/24/26, 1:55 PMComment source: Fallon Paiute-Shoshone Tribe Reports Death Under InvestigationComment author: Nicole GalbraithComment text: Farren - I just saw that you aren’t here with us. I am completely in shock! I met you and hung out with you so many years ago with Jer, and Eden. I honestly can’t believe you are gone…..you were a wonderful human being, with a HUGE heart and soul. Hearing this makes my heart break! You are forever in our hearts, and I can say I feel blessed that I was able to know you! Rest easy sweet Farren xoxoComment publication date: 3/23/26, 12:30 PMComment source: Obituary- Farren Crossland
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