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Dysfunction Junction -- Valentine's Day: A little History a Little Humor

Dysfunction Junction -- Valentine's Day: A little History a Little Humor

What day is often as equally dreaded as anticipated? And what day single-handedly has the power to fill both grown men and elementary school girls with interminable levels of fear and trepidation? And on what day is it completely acceptable – nay, expected, to send veritable strangers politically and socially incorrect demands like “Kiss Me” on candy hearts? St. Valentines Day, of course.   

Believe it or not, the modern mid-February holiday that has become synonymous with ribbons, roses, and romance is also the day that centuries ago was also rife with red, but of an entirely darker sort.

According to historical data (History.com), Valentine's Day arose from a Christian effort to replace a 6th-century Roman pagan fertility festival, “Lupercalia." During the festival, dogs and goats would be sacrificed. Women would then be slapped or smacked with the blood-drenched hides as a fertility blessing. As legend has it, the women would later put their names in an urn to be selected and paired with a man for a year. Unsurprisingly, this has recently been proven to be moderately more effective than online dating and requires less cleanup. 

A less graphic historical note places two men, both named Valentine, at the heart of St. Valentine’s Day. There is no clear evidence as to which one, as both men could have inspired the holiday. The first Valentine, a 3rd-century Roman priest, defied the Roman Emperor Claudius II and his ban on marriage for soldiers during wartime. Claudius believed marriage was a distraction to young soldiers. Valentine secretly performed illegal marriages “in the spirit of love” until he was discovered and sentenced to death (purportedly on February 14th). The second Valentine was imprisoned for attempting to help Roman Christians escape from prison. Legend says that he sent the first valentine message to himself, writing a letter signed, “From your Valentine.” He too was sentenced to death. In the spirit of Valentine’s Day, the possibility of imprisonment remains at the heart of the holiday.

By the close of the 5th century, Pope Gelasius of Rome officially declared February 14th as St. Valentine’s Day. It would be several centuries, however, before romance would become associated with the day. The declaration instead was born out of the common belief that in England and France, birds started mating on February 14th. Yes, the mating habits of birds.

There is some historical information that in 1537 King Henry VIII, with six wives to his credit (or discredit depending on the wife), proclaimed by Royal Charter that Valentine’s Day would be a public holiday and chose that day to be February 14th. Facts to this remain unverified, however, one should again note the potential for death by beheading.

It was not until the 15th century that the first valentine was sent. While imprisoned in the Tower of London at age 21, a French duke wrote a love poem to his wife. His verse read, “I am already sick of love, My very gentle Valentine." (Darn you Autocorrect! Sick with love darling, sick with love). Note: imprisonment was also a factor here. 

The evolution of Valentine’s Day is a long one. While some people started exchanging handwritten letters and cards in the 17th century, it was not until the 1840s when Valentine’s Day cards were commercially produced. Known as the “Mother of the American Valentine”, Esther A. Howland’s cards, decked out in lace and ribbon, helped pave the way for what would become a multi-billion-dollar industry. And by this time in human history, Valentine’s Day was also becoming less fatal.

Massive spending aside, it is hard to think of Valentine’s Day without thinking about chocolate. The year 1861 brought the first heart-shaped box of chocolates, created by Richard Cadbury. It is unlikely that Cadbury could have imagined that 58 million pounds of chocolate, tucked away in heart-shaped boxes, would be sold in a single year. Nor can we forget to mention conversational hearts. A Boston pharmacist, who was in the business of making throat lozenges, invented a machine that simplified how they were made. According to History.com, the pharmacist was soon using his invention to make candy instead. In 1866, his brother started printing messages on the candy. Of course, they were larger back then and held messages less socially awkward like Married in white, you have chosen right and How long shall I have to wait? Please be considerate.

So as February 14th comes and goes and you contemplate the meaning of St. Valentine’s Day, do not let its dark past discourage you from sharing the day with the one you love. Its history and traditions may be steeped in rituals that involve being smacked with animal hides, death, and imprisonment, but what a better cause than LOVE? And yes, of course, this holiday has been grossly commercialized, but again I ask you, what better cause than for love?

In the wise words of Charles Schulz, "All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”

 

References: www.history.com, https://bit.ly/3d6D3IC

 


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COMMENTS
Comment author: Mike HinzComment text: I knew Sam as a member of our church growing up. He always had a warm smile, a kind word, and a great sense of humor! He will be great missed!Comment publication date: 7/2/25, 11:57 AMComment source: Obituary -- Samuel Bruce WickizerComment author: Mike HinzComment text: Great teacher, great coach, but even a better person!!! Rest in peace Mr. BeachComment publication date: 7/2/25, 11:53 AMComment source: Obituary -- Jack Victor Beach, Jr.Comment author: Mike HinzComment text: I had Mrs Hedges for First Grade at Northside Elementary in 1969. I still, to this day, remember her as a wonderful teacher…one of my favorites!!Comment publication date: 7/2/25, 11:29 AMComment source: Obituary - Nancy Marie Hedges C Comment author: Carl C. HagenComment text: What are MFNs and PBMs ?? ............................ From the editor: This is a very good question and we apologize for not catching that wasn't in there. We reached out to the writer/submitter and got this info back...hope it's helpful. PBM: Pharmacy Benefit Managers are pharmacies that are owned by insurance companies. (CVS is one.) They negotiate with drug makers to get reduced pricing for medications, but they historically have not passed along those savings to patients. https://www.ftc.gov/system/files/ftc_gov/pdf/pharmacy-benefit-managers-staff-report.pdf MFN: Most Favored Nation pricing is a policy that means a country agrees to offer the same trade concessions (like tariffs or price reductions) to all member nations of the World Trade Organization (WTO). When applied to pharmaceuticals, it could disrupt global access, deter innovation, and obscure the deeper systemic issues in American health care. https://petrieflom.law.harvard.edu/2025/05/22/the-global-risks-of-americas-most-favored-nation-drug-pricing-policy/Comment publication date: 6/23/25, 7:47 AMComment source: L E T T E R TO THE EDITOR
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