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Sunday, May 19, 2024 at 5:03 AM
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Dysfunction Junction -- Unicorns, Peppermint, and Walmart at Christmas

Dysfunction Junction -- Unicorns, Peppermint, and Walmart at Christmas
Leanna Lehman

I want to send a huge and weirdly nonsensical apology to the tall guy with the beard. I better clarify. Last week, I did my usual grocery order and I included peppermint extract. Walmart emailed me and told me that they, in fact, did not have any. Crushed, I resolved myself to go inside the building. Desperation has no limits, my friend. 

So, I girded my loins and raced inside. Walmart has been known to tell me they were out of an item, after which I go inside and find one if not several of the very things, they said they didn’t have.  

This was a peppermint extract emergency, though. Braving the careening carts, beastly children, and freshly baked goodies, I made my way to the baking aisle. And there I was, staring at an empty spot where the greatly coveted peppermint extract should have been. Despite being crestfallen, I executed an act of extreme shopping bravado. I stepped back so I could see the top shelf that soared feet over my head. Ah ha! I struck gold. In the pretty red and white box, there it was - peppermint extract.  

Much to my delight and surprise, a very tall, bearded gentleman was also perusing the extracts. I say that as if it’s a perfectly normal, everyday occurrence in my life - either of those. I politely asked him if he would reach the box for me. I had visions of scaling the lower shelves to retrieve my prize, but pretty much every scenario ended in embarrassment or injury. Probably both. “Help someone! I have had a peppermint extracting injury….”  

The very nice gentleman happily agreed, saying, “Oh, there it is. I need peppermint extract, too.” We locked eyes in dismay. There was only one. Then, we conversed about the impossibility of using mint. “I am making peppermint pinwheels,” he said. I expertly concealed my absolute shock. He did not tell me his wife was making them, or his girlfriend, or his mother. He was making them. Okay, yes. You can find a unicorn at Walmart. Pretending I was not flabbergasted, I said, “Oh, I am making peppermint bark.” Sadly, we are at a loss and one of us would have to go to Safeway. 

Being the kind gentleman he was, he relinquished the coveted elixir and delicately placed it in my cart, and we said our sad farewells. “That’s okay,” he said, with a ring of concealed sorrow, “I have to go over there anyway.”  

Chivalry is not dead. 

Feeling somewhat disappointed that there were not two bottles of peppermint extract, I set my mind to the task of appreciating both his kindness and apparent baking skills. When I arrive at home, I place my treasured item next to the other ingredients I had unpacked to make my Christmas treat. But what before my wondering eyes did appear? But a tiny box of peppermint extract in my Walmart order. Seriously. 

Not only did I now have two boxes which take about five years to utilize, but I robbed a lovely man of part of his afternoon. Then worried Safeway was out as well. Spearmint pinwheels just don’t sound the same. 

But it makes a great story. 

Local girl Leanna Lehman writes, edits, and various other tasks as assigned... for The Fallon Post, makes bad jokes and loves what she does.   

 

 


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